Title: In My
Place
Author: Froxyn
Rating: FRM
(mainly for language)
Pairing:
Buffy/Giles
Timeline: Between
S6 and S7.
Synopsis: Buffy’s
been allowing people to take advantage of her guilt.
Author’s Note:
Album fic. Song and lyrics can
be found here.
Rupert Giles was a
Watcher. His job description was fairly
complicated, but one detail was simple.
He was to Watch the Slayer. And
that’s what we was doing at this very moment.
Watching Buffy.
He had originally
come back from England to help with Willow.
A few days earlier, Willow had been safely transported to Devon…and
Giles would join her there later. Right
now, the coven would have her in isolation and…besides, he was needed here.
Buffy had told him of
the time she had spent with Spike. She
had told him everything…which was
something he couldn’t remember her ever having done before. He recognized the thick layer of guilt
coating her words as she walked him through the darkest moments of her life
after Willow and the others had brought her back.
And now he Watched
her trying to make up for everything she had ever done to every single one of
her friends. And he wasn’t sure what
upset him the most…the fact that she felt as if she had to or the fact that
they weren’t stopping her.
She pretended that
she was okay…and he was fairly certain that the others believed her. But, he didn’t. He knew Buffy too well.
Their friends might not recognize the slight droop of her shoulders as
she washed the dishes or the lack of light in her eyes when she smiled. But, he did…after all, he had been trained
to pick up on each change in her demeanor and behaviour…no matter how small it
was.
And now, as Buffy sat
on the couch with the remote in her hands, he knew he had to address the
problem. He cleared his throat and
closed the book he had been pretending to read.
“Buffy?”
“Yeah?” She answered quickly, continuing to flip
through the channels on the television.
“How long are you
going to do this?”
“Until I find
something worth watching. I mean, we
have like a hundred channels…how can there not
be something on?”
Giles shook his head
and made his way over to her, dropping his book onto the chair as he
stood. She met his eyes as he sat on
the coffee table in front of her and took the remote from her hands.
“Giles!”
He turned the
television off and dropped the remote onto the table. “I wasn’t talking about the television, Buffy. I was referring to the issue of you allowing
guilt to run your life. How long are
you going to make yourself pay for your sins?”
“What…are you like a
priest now? Because, that would be
creepy. That’s all this town needs…a
creepy priest.” Her eyes widened as she
looked at him. “I didn’t mean that you’re creepy…I just meant that priests
in general are a bit creepy…”
Giles gave her an
understanding smile and placed his hand on her knee. “I know what you meant, Buffy.
I took no offense to it.”
“Good…” She breathed sincerely.
“But, this has
nothing to do with God or religion.
This has to do with you feeling like you have to seek forgiveness from
your friends.”
“They’re your friends
too.” She stated quickly. “And…I do
have to seek forgiveness from them…because, I pretty much sucked last year.”
“And…Willow has never
‘sucked’? Nor Xander?” Giles questioned, raising an eyebrow.
“They never fucked a
vampire to make themselves feel better…”
Giles smiled softly
and shook his head. “No, they
haven’t. However, Willow nearly ended
the world after allowing her grief to rule her…to allow her addiction to take
hold. Xander…he has lied to you more
than once. Yet, you have forgiven them
both for each of their indiscretions with hardly a scowl.”
“Yeah, well…”
“Do you not wonder why
they seem to be unable to give you the same courtesy?” Giles asked gently, moving his hand to her
cheek. “It angers me, Buffy. It angers me to see them, all of them, take
advantage of your genuine kindness…but not treat you equally when you’ve done something
they see as ‘bad’.”
“You don’t see it as
bad?” When he shook his head, she
furrowed her brow. “I had sex with
Spike…way more than once. And it had
absolutely nothing to do with love. And
you don’t see that as bad?”
Giles took a deep breath
and looked directly into her eyes.
“Would you really like to know how many women I’ve had sex with…and felt
no feelings of love whatsoever for them?
Because I daresay that my list would be longer than yours. In fact, it would probably be quicker to
tell you how many women I’ve made love
to.”
He rolled his eyes as
she stared expectantly at him. “Four.”
Buffy’s eyes widened
in disbelief. “Four? In your entire life you’ve loved only four
women?”
He answered before he
gave careful consideration to his reply.
“Six. I’ve loved six…but, I was never able to have
a full relationship with one and the other has eluded me for quite some time
now.”
“Jenny.” Buffy whispered softly, her eyes glistening
as Giles nodded. She cleared her throat
and began ticking off names.
“Olivia…” She realized quickly that Olivia and Jenny
were the only two she could come up with.
Giles chuckled softly
and moved to sit next to her on the couch.
“In order of their appearance in my life…Rosie, Jessica, Olivia, Mary – ”
“Wait…how did Olivia
get that far ahead of Jenny?”
He smiled
warmly. “I said ‘in order of their
appearance’. I’ve known Olivia for many
years. And though we did spend some
time together a couple of years ago…I wasn’t in love with her then. I loved her before…”
“Oh…” She thought that over and then realized that
she had interrupted him. “Who are the
other two? I mean, I know one of them
is Jenny…did the other one come before or after Jenny?”
Giles thought for a
moment and then sighed. “Technically,
she came into my life before…but my feelings for her didn’t reveal themselves
until after.”
As he watched her try
to figure out who the mystery woman was, he smiled and gave her the answer.
“You, Buffy.”
Buffy turned and
stared at him. “Me?”
Giles nodded and
lifted his hand to her cheek. “God, how
could you not know?”
“But I…I’ve said some
really horrible things to you…and…I had sex with two, not one but two,
vampires…and I yelled at you when you left…and didn’t go to the airport to say
goodbye and then you came home and – ”
She tilted her head
as he smiled. “What? What are you smiling at?”
“You. You really are rather adorable when you
ramble.”
She shook her head
quickly. “But – ”
“I’ve waited for you
to work this out…and all you’re doing is digging your hole deeper. Please…let me help you, Buffy.”
“Giles…”
“You owe them nothing
more. Don’t punish yourself
further. You can’t change what is
done…but, you can ensure that it doesn’t happen again.”
“You love me.” She whispered, the words forming as a
statement instead of a question.
“Indeed, I do.” He whispered back, lovingly combing his
fingers through her hair. “Very much
so.”
Any other argument
she would have used was cut off by his kiss.
Her arguments faded away as she felt herself respond to his kiss. As
their arms wrapped around each other, she felt him drag her up from the place
she had sequestered herself to.
She remembered her
mother saying that she would know true love when it was presented to her. There wouldn’t be a question of ‘is he the
right one?’…there would only be the knowledge that he is.
As she and Giles
deepened their kiss, she realized one very important thing. She was asking herself no questions.
Because she already
had the answers.
~ End