Title: Twisted Logic
Timeline: S4, AU. Buffy and Riley were never together.
Synopsis: Buffy tries to explain the difference between her and Faith.
Author’s Note: Album fic. Song and lyrics can be found here.
“So…she slept with Riley?” Willow asked, eyes wide.
Buffy nodded as she took a sip
of her coffee. “Yeah, um…which is just weird.”
“Well, yeah. I mean…he knows about you and Giles, right?”
“Mm-hm.” She placed her mug on the table and sighed. “Guess that didn’t matter to him, though. I hope his nose will heal straight…I didn’t mean to break it.”
Willow chuckled softly. “I shouldn’t laugh, because…he thought she was you and he’s had a crush on you for a while now…”
“Yeah, I feel bad about it.”
A thought crossed Willow’s mind and her smile faded. “Why do you think Faith is the way she is?”
“Because she’s psychotic.” Buffy answered, glancing at her watch and then looking towards the door.
“No, I mean…why do you think she’s psychotic? What happened to her?”
Buffy sighed, giving Giles a small wave when he walked through the door. “She didn’t have a Giles to ground her.”
Giles smiled and quickly made his way over towards them.
“Ground her?” Willow asked in a puzzled tone.
“Yeah…” Buffy scooted over in the booth, just enough to give him some room. She smiled at him as he slid in beside of her. “Hey.”
“Hello.” He glanced down at her hand, lifting it to inspect her knuckles. “The bruising has already started to dissipate.”
“Mm-hm, Slayer healing. Yay me.” She stated brightly, leaning over to place a soft kiss on his cheek.
“What do you mean ‘ground her’?” Willow asked again, smiling at Giles as he turned his attention to her. “Hi, Giles.”
“Hello, Willow.” Giles smiled warmly, lacing his fingers with Buffy’s. “What’s this about the ground?”
“Oh…” Buffy pushed the sugar bowl towards Giles as the waitress appeared with another cup of coffee. “Willow was asking what I thought turned Faith into a complete psycho and I said it was because she didn’t have you there to ground her.”
When Giles gave a nod as he tore open two packets of sugar, Buffy looked across the table to Willow. “It’s because of him…and the way we are with each other…that I’m who I am. I could’ve easily been Faith.”
Willow furrowed her brow. “And what if Faith and Giles…you know…”
Giles coughed quickly and shook his head. “Ah, no. What Buffy means is that she and I bonded…as Watcher and Slayer…long before we became intimate. We…compliment and stabilize one another. It happens rarely that a Watcher has such a bond with his or her Slayer.”
Buffy arched an eyebrow. “Her Slayer?”
Giles rolled his eyes. “Bonding doesn’t necessarily lead to intimacy. However, I’m sure that it has happened once or thrice in the past…after all, homosexuality has existed as long as humans have roamed the Earth.”
Willow shook her head in amusement and tried to redirect the conversation. “So…having Giles as your Watcher kept you from slipping to the dark side…”
Buffy lowered her eyes, as well as her voice. “It almost didn’t. I almost followed her…”
“But, you didn’t.” Giles stated softly, giving her hand a light squeeze.
“It was close, Giles. And…it didn’t help matters when I stabbed her.”
“You did what was necessary, love.”
“I just wanted everything to stop. I mean…I had her pulling me one way, Angel pulling another, and there you were…right in the middle.”
He smiled softly and tilted her head up to look into her eyes. “I was where you needed me to be.”
Buffy nodded and smiled before turning her eyes back to Willow. “And that’s what I mean about him grounding me and not grounding her. No matter what was going on…he was right there next to me. Right where I needed him to be.”
“Oh…” Willow whispered, understanding finally.
“Unfortunately, Faith wasn’t assigned to a Watcher who would be able to harness her energy. Rebellion is not a bad trait…if it can be harnessed.”
“It took a lot of twists and turns in my life for me to realize what was going on.” Buffy said with a small smile. “And I went through the whole one step forward, three steps back thing. And I had to work through a lot of twisted logic to get to where I was taking three steps forward and one step back.”
“Twisted logic?” Willow asked, tilting her head slightly.
“Yeah, you know…the sun rises everyday but one day it rises and it’s different…you actually see for the first time what’s always been there. And then after you go through the whole being angry with yourself for not seeing it for so long, you give in…and happiness finally finds you. It’s all about twisted logic.”
Willow nodded slowly. “Well, that was…”
“Confusing?” Buffy grinned as Willow nodded. “That’s the beauty of it…it twists around itself over and over…until it finally makes sense. But, you can’t force it…it just has to be.”
Willow glanced at Giles and narrowed her eyes when she noticed his expression. “What’s wrong, Giles?”
“Hm? Oh…nothing.” He chuckled softly. “I was just thinking that this entire conversation embodies the actual idea of twisted logic.”
“Huh?” Buffy asked as she looked at him.
“It makes very little sense at first. But, then it starts to weave…and things suddenly become a little clearer.” He smiled and gave her a wink. “I find it interesting. However, I’m still unsure as to how the conversation began.”
“Oh…we were talking about how Faith slept with Riley while she was in my body and then Riley kissed me later and…” She trailed off and raised her free hand to the side of his face as his eyes darkened. “Hey…it wasn’t me.”
“She used you…to use him. And now he’s confused because he thought it was you and – ”
“It’s all about twisted logic, Giles.” Buffy whispered softly, leaning up to kiss his warm lips. “Don’t think about it. It was Faith he slept with…not me. If he had known, maybe he wouldn’t have. I mean…you didn’t…”
Willow’s eyes widened. “You wanted him to sleep with you while you were in Faith’s body?”
Buffy rolled her eyes. “You had to put it that way, didn’t you? No…but, I was scared that I wouldn’t get back…and…I thought that I was going to lose my boyfriend…”
Giles groaned softly and Buffy laughed.
“I’ve told you…it doesn’t matter how old you are, you’re still my boyfriend.”
Willow looked at Giles and took a deep breath. “But, you couldn’t?”
“I wouldn’t.” Giles clarified. “She was still Buffy, but…I didn’t want Faith’s hands touching me…and I didn’t want to look into Faith’s eyes as we…um…”
A shy smile appeared on Giles’ face. “But, I would have. If we hadn’t been able to switch them back, I would have. Because she was still the woman I love. It would have taken a while for my mind to readjust, but…it’s Buffy I’m in love with…not the blonde hair or the hazel eyes…or the firm…”
He blushed lightly as he stopped himself. Buffy laughed and let go of his hand, moving hers to his thigh and gently squeezing. Willow’s smile finally reappeared, understanding finally taking hold in her mind.
Giles nodded and took a sip of his coffee.