Timeline: Pick a time, completely AU.
Synopsis: After three months, Giles lets it be known that he needs more.
Author’s Note: Album fic. Song and lyrics can be found here.
Giles grabbed Buffy’s hands as she pulled at his shirt. She looked up at him and raised an eyebrow.
“Any reason why you’re making this harder than it needs to be?”
Giles sighed and let go of her hands as he took a step back. “I can’t do this.”
“We’ve been doing this for three months. If you can’t do it, I would’ve thought you would’ve mentioned that a while back.”
“We…are in a very grey area at the moment, Buffy.” He said softly, running his left hand through his hair. “I’m not sure it was ever as black and white as you imagined it would be.”
“We have sex because you think that a relationship wouldn’t work.” Giles shook his head as he rebuttoned his shirt. “And I went along with it…because I needed you as much as you needed me.”
She tilted her head slightly. “You don’t need me anymore?”
“I need you…to see the colors around you.”
She narrowed her eyes in confusion. “What?”
“Everything’s not black and white, Buffy. And I’m getting tired of the grey.” He sighed heavily and sat down on the couch, resting his elbows on his knees. “I need color…I need you…in color.”
Knowing she wasn’t following him, he rubbed his eyes and then looked at her. “Plain and simple. I want you in my life.”
“I am.” She replied, sitting down next to him. “I mean…we sleep together nearly every night…how much more in your life do you want me to be?”
“You…have commitment issues.”
Buffy stared at him. “Yeah, that kinda comes from having my first serious boyfriend turn evil…and then my second leaving me to go hunt demons in some jungle.”
“And I have never left your side.” Giles whispered, staring right back at her.
“You want a commitment?” She asked in a surprised tone.
“I want you to look…really look at me…and tell me what you see.”
“I see Giles. Watcher Extraordinaire…”
He gave a frustrated groan and stood up, pacing as he rubbed the side of his neck. She watched him for a few seconds and then sighed.
“Guess that was the wrong answer.”
He stopped and stared at her. “I look at you and I see passion…red and hot. I see joy…yellow and bright. I see the sadness…blue and sequestered away. I see that…and so much more. I see you. And all you see is ‘Watcher Extraordinaire’? Yes, I would say that would be the wrong answer.”
Her eyes glistened as she lowered them from his glare. “I see the colors surrounding you…they just scare me.”
“Scare…” He furrowed his brow, moving quickly to kneel in front of her. “What do you see, Buffy?”
He gently tilted her head up to look into her eyes. “Now…why do those colors scare you?”
“Because they make me want to give you everything.” She whispered as a tear rolled down her cheek. “And if I do…”
“You’re worried I’ll leave you.” He sighed softly as she nodded. “Buffy…the colors you see…if anything, they should be telling you that I’m staying, that my place is with you.”
He moved to sit beside of her on the couch and held her hands between his as he gazed into her eyes. “Green…calm and stability.”
“I thought it meant jealousy.”
He smiled softly and nodded. “That’s one of the many meanings. Also, renewal, growth, youth, vigor…”
She snorted as she pulled her left hand free and wiped her cheek. “Vigor…well, that definitely fits.”
He cleared his throat and continued. “Purple…”
“Royalty. You’re like a King of somewhere, aren’t you?”
“Yes. You’ve figured everything out.” He chuckled. “Sensuality, mystery, wisdom…”
“Xander always hated purple.” Buffy blurted.
“Mm…I can understand that.” At her questioning look, he smiled. “Bisexuality is also a meaning.”
“You think he’ll ever tell us?”
Giles thought for a moment and then nodded slowly. “When he’s ready, yes.”
“Does that describe you too?”
He smiled and shook his head. “Not as such.” When she raised an eyebrow, he gave her a wink. “That’s for another time. Suffice to say, you are in no danger of losing me to another man. Now, orange…”
He glanced at her lips and swallowed. “Desire, balance.”
He stared into her eyes and breathed a heavy sigh. “You’re looking too hard for perfect love…and not hard enough for real love. Perfect love doesn’t exist. Look in front of you…Christ, Buffy…see the love in front of you.”
Buffy took a deep breath and exhaled shakily. “You want a commitment.”
“It’s not that simple.” He whispered. “God, how I wish it were.”
“Does one of those colors mean confusion? ‘Cause, I gotta say…you’re really good at that.”
“I see so many colors swirling around you. But, what I want is right in the middle.”
“And that would be?”
“You, Buffy.” He lifted his hand and brushed the backs of his fingers across her cheek. “But, you’re too scared to let me near you.”
“See…relationships, I never get them right.” She whispered, lowering her eyes.
He ducked his head to recapture her eyes. “You might…if you give yourself the chance.”
“Give us a chance, Buffy. Let go of the monochrome and embrace the color.” He shrugged as she lifted her head and arched an eyebrow at him. “Well, that sounded much less, um…stupid…in my head.”
“You sounded like a Kodak commercial.”
He smiled as she laughed softly. “I suppose so.”
Her laughter ebbed as she nervously chewed on her bottom lip. “I’m scared.”
“I know.” He replied, leaning forward and brushing his lips over hers. “But, this…what we’re doing now…it isn’t healthy for either one of us. Please, just…try.”
“It might take a while for me to get the hang of it.” She whispered, kissing him back warmly. “But, I want to try…”
“Good.” He murmured, deepening the kiss.
He felt her fingers work on the buttons of his shirt. He nearly stopped her again, but then he felt the passion she was putting into the kiss. It was different this time. Just a small step, but a step forward nonetheless.
And so…he didn’t stop her. Not when he could feel the brown weaving through their respective colors…pulling them closer together.
Nothing had ever been black and white for the two of them…but, now the shades of grey they had been living in were melting into color. And for the first time in a very long time, he could feel the colors touching Buffy…as opposed to just circling her.