Title: Believe
Author: Froxyn
Rating: FRAO 
Pairing: Buffy/Giles
Timeline: AU…nothing to distinguish any season.
Synopsis: Buffy wants to protect Giles…but goes about it in a strange way.
Author’s Notes: Thank you wyvernwolf!

 

 

Giles stared in disbelief, unable to form any words. Buffy sat in front of him, her eyes lowered as she twisted her hands in her lap. He swallowed the lump in his throat as he willed his racing heart to calm.

 

Of all the things he had expected her to say, ‘I don’t think this is going to work’ wasn’t one of them. They had been together for nearly six months…the happiest six months of Giles’ life. He thought she had been happy as well and her nervously spoken statement had caught him completely off-guard.

 

“Buffy…” He whispered, his voice trembling.

 

“I…” She shook her head and pushed herself up from the coffee table on which she had been sitting. “I should…go.”

 

He felt a dull ache in his chest, standing as she walked towards the door. Her hand was on the doorknob when the words finally spilled from his lips.

 

“Did you ever love me?”

 

“More than you know.” She turned her head and looked at him, tears rolling down her face. “I’ve always loved you, Giles. And I always will.”

 

As she stepped out into the sunlight and closed the door behind her, Giles was sure that the sound of his heart breaking could have been clearly heard…had anyone been standing in the room with him. He pulled the small velvet box out of his pocket and gripped it tightly in his hand.

 

As he realized that he had never felt more alone than he did at this very moment, a tear spilled onto his cheek. He dropped the box onto the coffee table and made his way to the liquor cabinet.

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

Willow’s mouth dropped open as she stared into Buffy’s red eyes. “You broke up with him?”

 

Buffy wiped the moisture from her face as she nodded miserably. “I didn’t know what else to do.”

 

“What? Buffy…you love him, I know you do.”

 

Buffy's tears started again and she sniffled. “I really do. God, Will…I love him so much. This is killing me.”

 

“So…you break up with him? I don’t get it, Buffy…what’s really going on?”

 

“I’m the Slayer.” She forced out as she fought back the sobs.

 

“Yeah…and he’s the Watcher. He understands your calling better than anyone, probably even better than you.” Willow replied, confusion in her tone.

 

“Chances are…I’ll die young. I can’t do that to him. I…” Buffy averted her eyes from Willow’s and stared out the window. “It’s…too much.”

 

Willow shook her head in disbelief. “There has to be something more. I’ve seen you two the past few months…we’ve seen…”

 

Buffy sighed sadly, wiping the fresh tears from her eyes. “Will, please…I can’t.”

 

“Buffy, he – ”

 

Buffy interrupted her quickly. “I did this for him. I’m trying to protect him…”

 

“By breaking up with him? Do you honestly think he’ll stop loving you because you end your relationship?”

 

Buffy took a deep breath and turned her watery eyes to her friend, repeating her earlier statement. “I didn’t know what else to do.”

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

Xander opened Giles’ front door and walked in, a bright smile on his face and a box of doughnuts under his arm. “Hey, G-Man, what’s the what for demony goodness today?”

 

Giles rolled his eyes and tossed back his drink, quickly refilling his tumbler. He briefly considered forgoing the glass, but discarded that thought…after all, he still retained a small amount of pride.

 

“Nothing that I’m aware of.” Giles replied in a clipped tone.

 

Xander narrowed his eyes as he put the box on the table. “Um…a little early for that, isn’t it?”

 

“Depends on your definition of early, I suppose.”

 

“Uh-huh.” Xander answered uncertainly as he looked around. “Where’s Buffy?”

 

Giles swallowed the amber liquid and stood up, walking unsteadily towards the cabinet. “How should I know?”

 

“Because she’s always here…” The young man replied, worry beginning to seep into his voice.

 

“Not anymore, apparently.” Giles huffed and opened a fresh bottle of scotch, filling his glass once more.

 

Xander swallowed and gestured towards the bottle. “How much have you had, Giles?”

 

Giles looked at Xander with eyes full of sadness. “Not enough…as I’m still conscious. Why are you here, Xander?”

 

Xander neatly sidestepped the question with one of his own. “What’s going on?”

 

“Buffy loves me. Always has, always will.” Giles smiled drunkenly.

 

Xander chuckled softly. “Well, yeah…that’s not a big secret there, Giles.”

 

Giles’ smile faded, his eyes glistening. “She also thinks this isn’t going to work.”

 

Xander narrowed his eyes. “What isn’t going to work?”

 

Giles gestured around the room, scotch sloshing over the side of his glass. “This…us…”

 

“What?” The young man whispered.

 

A single tear made its presence known on Giles’ face. “She’s left me. She loves me, but…apparently not enough to stay.”

 

Xander swallowed and glanced at the coffee table, his eyes quickly noticing the blue velvet box. “Giles?”

 

Giles followed Xander’s line of vision, pointing towards the box with his glass. “Oh, that. Take it. Give it to Anya…tell her you spent days searching for the right one. I’ve no use for it now.”

 

Xander opened the hinged lid and stared at the diamond ring resting inside. “Jesus…”

 

Giles took a drink and turned towards the window. “Take it when you leave. I’m rather sure I can’t deal with it being here at the moment.”

 

“Giles, I…”

 

Giles interrupted him softly. “I apologize, Xander. But, I’m not in the right frame of mind for visitors. Thank you for coming, but…please leave now.”

 

Xander slipped the box into his pocket and stared at the broken-hearted man for a moment. “I’ll come back later, okay?”

 

Giles said nothing, simply took another sip from the glass and stared out the window.

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

Willow’s bedroom door slammed open and Xander ran in, startling both Willow and Buffy.

 

“Will…have you seen Buff – ” He stopped in mid-question and stared at the teary blonde sitting on Willow’s bed. “Guess you have.”

 

“What’s going on, Xander?” Willow asked quietly.

 

“Oh, nothing. Except that Giles is drunk and giving away jewellery.”

 

Buffy narrowed her eyes. “What?”

 

Xander pulled the box out of his pocket and tossed it onto the bed. “You couldn’t have broken his heart before he proposed?”

 

“What?” Buffy repeated in a barely audible whisper.

 

“Apparently he spent days searching for the perfect one.” He watched as Buffy picked up the box with trembling hands and opened it. “Said he didn’t have a need for it now and told me to give it to Anya. What the hell were you thinking, Buffy?”

 

A new onslaught of tears consumed Buffy as she carefully plucked the ring from the box. She closed her hand around the ring and lay down on the bed, curling her body and holding her hand to her chest. As her body violently shook with her sobs, Xander met Willow’s eyes.

 

“Did I miss something?”

 

Willow glanced at Buffy and nodded. “I think we’re both missing something. Do you think you could get Giles over here?”

 

Xander shook his head slowly. “He’s plastered, Will. He was a quarter way through his second bottle of scotch when I was there. He probably wouldn’t even be conscious by now.”

 

Willow took a deep breath. “Then we go there. Do you think you can carry Buffy?”

 

Xander nodded silently as Buffy’s sobs continued.

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

Buffy had quietened somewhat on the drive to Giles’ apartment. She had said very little, but the sobs had dissipated for the time being. Her hand remained curled around the ring that Xander had brought with him.

 

Giles looked up with unfocused eyes as Xander opened the door. “Back so soon?”

 

Xander nodded and offered a gentle smile. “Yeah…brought someone with me though.”

 

“Great.” Giles mumbled as he lifted his seemingly never empty glass.

 

When Buffy walked through the door with Willow, the tumbler fell from his hand, spilling scotch on his jeans before shattering on the floor at his feet.

 

“I’m in no condition to research, Xander.” Giles stated, his speech slurred by the alcohol.

 

Willow leaned into Buffy, whispering softly in her ear. “Talk to him, Buffy. Tell him everything. And I mean…everything. You may not want to tell me what’s going on, but…he deserves to know the truth.”

 

Buffy nodded numbly as Willow gently pushed her towards Giles. Giles stared at Buffy for a moment before looking away.

 

“Are you here to see how much more damage you can inflict?”

 

Buffy looked up quickly, shaking her head as she registered the pain in his voice. “No…God, no. Giles…”

 

Giles cleared his throat. “You, uh…you’ll need a Watcher. Once I’ve sobered, I’ll make the call…”

 

Buffy’s eyes widened. “You’re leaving?”

 

“How can I not?” He whispered, lowering his eyes. “I love you. I’ve shared…everything with you. Given you everything I have. I wish it had been enough. I wish you could love me as I love you.”

 

“I do.” She protested quickly, taking another step towards him. “I do, Giles.”

 

“No.” He shook his head sadly. “No…because if you did, you wouldn’t have walked away from me. You couldn’t have walked away from me. I know…because I can’t walk away from you.”

 

Buffy’s eyes narrowed as she worked her mind around his words. Her soft tone held no anger, but her voice was laden with confusion. “You can’t walk away from me, but you can leave Sunnydale?”

 

Giles chuckled, but it held no humour. “Drunken logic, it makes sense in my head. Not so much when spoken aloud.”

 

Not knowing how to respond, Buffy blurted out the first thing that came into her mind. “I’m having dreams.”

 

Xander and Willow exchanged a quick glance before moving to the kitchen to give them some semblance of privacy.

 

“Dreams? Or…nightmares?” Giles asked warily.

 

“Nightmares.” She whispered.

 

Giles took a deep breath, concern flickering in his eyes. “Prophetic?”

 

Buffy nodded and exhaled. “Same dream, over and over. Yellow, scaly demon ripping my heart out.”

 

Giles stood and stumbled towards her. “Buffy…”

 

Her eyes filled with tears once more. “I…I love you so much, Giles. I only wanted to protect you from…”

 

“Your death?” Giles asked softly. Giles shook his head and leaned against the dining table. “Nothing can protect me from that. I hope to die before you, but I know that isn’t a probability. Our lives are dangerous, Buffy. We have no guarantees…and yet, I gave you my heart.”

 

Buffy sniffled. “And I broke it.”

 

He hesitated for a moment. “You can mend it, if you so choose.”

 

Giles stared at her and then cleared his throat. “How many times have you had the dream?”

 

“Um…seven?”

 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” His voice rose as his panic grew. “Buffy, I can’t bloody well help you if you keep me in the dark!”

 

“If I had told you, you wouldn’t have let me face him!” She countered loudly.

 

“We’d find another way, Buffy. That’s what we do. You have a prophecy dream, we find a way to right the world without you getting hurt. I can’t do that if I don’t know about it! How can – ”

 

He stopped suddenly, her words finally sinking in. He tilted his head and looked into her watery eyes.

 

“What do you mean I wouldn’t have let you face him? I’ve never told you not to face a demon. I know your duty as well as my own. I know what you have to do. But…it’s my job to try to protect you as best I can. We’ve averted apocalypses and prophetic dreams before.”

 

When a tear fell from her eye, he took a step towards her. “What’s so different about this demon?”

 

She shook her head slowly. “It’s not the demon, Giles. It’s me.”

 

“I…I don’t understand. What do you me – ”

 

“I think I’m pregnant.” She interrupted him with a soft whisper.

 

“What?”

 

“What?” Xander echoed as he stared at them from the kitchen, only to be elbowed by Willow.

 

“I…I’m not sure. I’m late…by a few days. It could be nothing. But, it could be…I could be…”

 

“Pregnant?” He whispered as he reached out and took her hand. His eyes were focused by a sudden sobriety, though his speech remained slightly slurred.

 

“Yeah. But, maybe not. I don’t know. I…haven’t taken a test or been to the doctor or anything.”

 

“Why not?” Xander asked automatically.

 

Willow shoved him out of the kitchen and towards the bathroom, realizing that their current position wasn’t very conducive to giving privacy. “Shut up, Xander!”

 

Giles swallowed as he stared at Buffy. “Fairly reasonable question he just asked. Why haven’t you?”

 

“I have an appointment tomorrow. And…I don’t trust the home tests.” She answered quietly. “Aren’t you going to ask me how?”

 

He narrowed his eyes. “I know how babies are conceived, Buffy.”

 

“Yeah, I know that. But…I’m on the pill.”

 

“Mm. And the only form of birth control that is one hundred percent effective is abstinence.”

 

He looked into her eyes for a moment longer and then released her hand and stumbled backwards, shaking his head as he turned towards the bookshelf. “Tell me about the demon. I need more than yellow, scaly, and having the ability to rip a heart from a human chest.”

 

“Giles?” Buffy whispered, confused by his sudden change of behaviour.

 

Giles pulled a few books from the shelf and threw them onto the table. “The demon, Buffy. Tell me.”

 

She carefully made her way to his side, placing her hand on his back. When he jerked away from her touch, she swallowed nervously and dropped her hand back to her side.

 

“Giles, look…I know we didn’t plan this and…I may not even be pregnant. But…”

 

He turned and looked into her eyes, his darkened by a myriad of emotions. “You think I’m upset because you might be pregnant?”

 

When she nodded, he shook his head. “No. The fact that you might be pregnant makes me happy.”

 

“You don’t look happy.” Her voice quivered lightly.

 

“I’m not.” He stated simply and pulled out a chair at the table, sitting down heavily and opening one of the books. “Now tell me about the demon.”

 

“Giles…”

 

He slammed his hand down on the table, anger pouring into his voice. “Tell me about the fucking demon, Buffy!”

 

“What’s wrong, Giles?” Buffy asked softly, fear evident in her voice.

 

Giles stared at her for a moment. “Nothing. Nothing at all. Except for you telling me nothing. Nothing about dreams, nothing about a baby…nothing! Instead, you leave me…you tell me you love me and then you leave me. Presumably to go off to face this demon who will rip your heart out…and leave me with nothing. No wife, no child…nothing! You’d rather allow yourself and our child to die than to tell me anything so that I can try to help you!”

 

He shook his head angrily and returned his gaze to the books. “Now tell me about the demon.”

 

Buffy took a deep breath and uncurled her hand, gently placing the ring on the book in front of Giles. “Were you really going to propose to me?”

 

Giles stared at the ring before covering it with a trembling hand, his voice softening as he spoke. “Does it really matter now?”

 

“Giles, please…”

 

He looked up, tears blurring his vision. “Let’s deal with the demon first.” He picked up the ring and slid it into his pocket. “We can discuss the other matter later.”

 

“I…” She began, but stopped when he quickly shook his head.

 

“Buffy…I’m drunk. I’ve just found out that the woman I love has been having prophetic dreams of her death and she may or may not be pregnant with my child. This is not the time to discuss any plans I might have for our future, if we even have one together. Right now I have to find a way to keep you alive. And for that to happen, I need you to tell me about the demon.”

 

Buffy nodded slowly. She glanced towards Willow and Xander as they made their way back down the hall, the sound of Giles yelling drawing them from the bathroom. Giles looked at them as they sat down across from him.

 

“We’re here to help.” Xander offered sincerely.

 

Giles gave him a quick nod and then turned back to Buffy. “The demon, Buffy.”

 

Buffy sat down next to Giles and began describing her dream in graphic detail. It took all of Giles’ self-control to not throw up as he listened.

 

 

Chapter Two

 

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